I messed up. Now what?

I’m the first to admit I’m not perfect. But is my perfectionism the reason for that?

A while back, I made a boo boo at work. It’s definitely not the first time, but when these things happen, I feel like it’s the end of the world. I’m a bit on the paranoid side, but I try to make the solution the issue instead of the screw up. You can’t reverse time, so there’s no reason to look back.

However, my own advice isn’t helping me at the moment. I don’t feel like there’s much of a solution for what I did. The monetary discretion isn’t an insane amount. It’s more of, “how did this happen?” It goes back to one of my basic rules… I hate excuses. Maybe that’s why I’ve ended up being a solution-oriented person.

So here’s the thing - how do you manage your screw-ups at work? Don’t act like you’ve never made a mistake, either. You have. But how do you work with your boss on how to resolve the issue? Have you ever been fired from any of your mistakes?

A Day of Calm

I woke up today feeling eh. Not bad, but not great, just kinda in the middle. After a previous day of exploring, hiking, and taking photos, it’s back to work for everyone. I don’t think it has to do with going back to work, though. My wife told me she felt the same way. I turned on the Today show and everyone isn’t as spunky as they normally appear. And so I wonder… is this “eh” day because of the election tomorrow?

I voted on Saturday. I think there’s been more people who have voted early this year than ever before. People know what they want. People want their voices to be heard. So while the official voting day is tomorrow, I think we’re all just waiting. There’s a sense of anticipation… not like a birthday gift, though. For most of us, the opening of this present could be a winning lottery ticket or a bomb.

So as we sit and wait, Monday is going to be a lull in the excitement of this week. But rest assured, Tuesday is going to make up for it. It’s probably the first Monday that doesn’t feel like you’re catching up from the weekend.

I don’t care how you vote, just do it.

I’m not an overly political person… sorta. I always thought of politically-minded people as those who protest, who wear their ideas of their sleeves, or like getting into arguments about how their party is better than the other. That’s what I’m not like. However, my family is a family of democrats. There’s no republicans hiding in the corners afraid to speak their minds. We’re just democrats. We do have beliefs of how things should be, but there’s a clear sense that we all have a right to our own opinion… meaning we don’t want to argue with people about it. There’s the type that want to get into heated debates about one party being right or wrong, but I think my family falls into the group that know that both parties have their own flaws.

But since the election of 2000, my interest in politics increased. I have memories of the 2000 election when I was in college and being angry at the whole thing. Not just at the debacle that erupted from the voting situation, but angry at myself because I was part of it. I didn’t vote in the year 2000. It was the first time I could in a presidential election and I just didn’t think much of it. Instead, I went with a friend to get people to sign a petition for pig rights in front of the voting precinct at the school. Honestly… pig rights, I’m not making it up.

As many of you know, the election was decided in Florida because of screwed up voting systems, etc., and I was a Florida resident. I was one of the 1,000 that would have voted democrat but didn’t because I didn’t think I needed to. The night they announced the winner, people were screaming from their windows in excitement because Bush won. And this was the only time I became very vocal about the election. I think I screamed curse words and boos out my window at the other people shouting in excitement.

Since that time, I vote at every election, local and national. My vote would have made a difference. It’s not often you can say that. In a national election, I think most people think their votes really don’t make a difference. When you see the hundreds of thousands of votes that pour in, it’s easy to just think that your drop of water won’t make a difference in the ocean of other votes. But when you hear it came down to about 1,000 votes and one of them was yours, you start feeling guilty. Like none of this disaster of the past eight years would have happened if you would have just registered and voted.

You count. You don’t want to live with the guilt that you could have helped change the world if you would have just voted.

Death and Career

Coping with a parent’s death is very difficult. I was touched by a fellow Brazen Careerist, Milena Thomas, and the writings about her father’s passing. I read her posts at a time that my wife’s mother is dying of cancer. For me, my dad died of leukemia when I was ten years old. While I can’t comment on what its like to lose a parent in your twenties, his death is something I still think about almost daily in my life.

My dad was young when he died, only 38 years old. When I turned 18, one of the first things on my mind was that I had twenty years to go. I know its morbid, but when you have a parent die of natural causes, I think it’s pretty natural to wonder if you’re going to go the same way and the same age. You look at what they were able to accomplish in their time here and think about what they never did, too.

I was shocked when this past year, my sister and I were talking and it came up that we both thought the same way, that we plan our lives around having accomplished most of what we want before we’re 38. And apparently my brother thinks the same thing, too.

I often wonder if this is what gives me the sense of urgency in times when things aren’t the most exciting. If I think too hard about work, I feel like all that time is a waste if I’m going to die in… well, I have 9 years left right now. I want to make sure I do everything I wanted to do, travel the places I’ve always wanted to, and take risks that long-term thinkers would be terrified to do.

It can be pretty depressing thinking of life so terminally, but it isn’t something I’m able to shake off. This is the long term effect of having a parent die. But in the positive, it’s a motivator for the times that you feel like you’re just wasting. It keeps me on track with trying to live in the moment instead of planning too much - a problem I think most people have.

If you knew you only had ten years left, would you change anything about your life?

What Happened, Volkswagon?

When I was in the advertising program at my college, I began looking at ads in a new light. They became an art form to me and sought out as many fresh, beautiful ads as I could. This was before the Apple ad craze came to town.

Volkswagon’s campaign of wonderfully simple, clean and creative ads hit the streets around the time they reintroduced the Beetle to the market and began reviving their brand. Maybe it’s the European sense of style, but at the time, they could do no wrong. They should have stayed in the forefront the way Apple has this past decade.

Somewhere along the line, VW turned to humor instead of style for their ads. I mean, just typing it kind of says what went wrong. Back then, I wanted a VW just because of their ads, the same way people want iPods instead of the hundreds of other MP3 players out there. We didn’t want humor. Their newest ads featuring Brooke Shields talking about people having kids just so they can buy a station wagon… it just made me a little sad. Celebrity spokesperson, bad joke, no substance… when we buy cars, we buy either power or style. Not humor.

So this is just my little plea to VW to get out of this rut and go back to the basics.

Making a Job Work for You

After years of searching, I finally found a job that I really enjoyed. I like the people I work with, I’m creative and manage a team of other artists, and I am happy with my compensation. However, as much as I loved where the job was, the winters were killing me. I wasn’t made for the cold and being in a very small place.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out it just wasn’t a place that I wanted to live, but I really wanted to make it work. When work takes up half of your life, it can be difficult to give it up - especially when there’s nothing wrong with it. I went back and forth with this nearly to the point of going crazy. But the life part finally won over the work part.

But I liked my job!

So how do you make a job work for you instead of you working for it? I’ve done it in the past several times. I think I’m actually a good negotiator and just never realized it. I began thinking of what it would mean if I did my job from a distance. What would change, what would the issues be, can I find solution for the issues? I had to be preemptive on what my employers concerns and questions would be and have every question answered before they could say it.

So that’s what I did. I had a meeting with my employers and discussed the situation and then proposed a solution that would be beneficial for both parties. And with a little advice from our own Penelope Trunk, I was preemptive on questions that I hadn’t thought of before.

So now, I am designing magazines from across the country without any real issues and get to keep the job that I didn’t want to leave. Sometimes it takes believing in yourself and confidence that you can do what you set your mind to in order to get what you want in life.

When chicks cut their hair, it usually means something life changing is going on. Today, I cut my hair for the first time in over a year. It grew pretty long… past my shoulders. It was thick and curly and beautiful. Women loved it. Not like, “Oh, you’re so handsome!” but like, “God, I wish I had hair like that.” I never really understood if that was a compliment. But based on the amount of times I’ve been called “miss” in the last month, I figured it was time to shear my precious locks.

Originally, I said I wanted to grow it out long enough to donate to a hair-donation place. I still really wish I could have and I feel selfish for hacking it all off. And it was also a disguise for me. My whole life, I’ve had nearly the same haircut. It was the first time I had people second guessing if it was even me when they saw me the first time, including my own mother. For some reason anonymity is comforting to me, like I can live without being recognized.

I learned today that an old friend of mine got married. I guess its the same as me when I got married and I didn’t invite them, either. But I suppose it stung a little more because I just wrote them a note to say happy birthday as a peacemaking gesture but never got a response… not that I expected one, I guess. It’s weird hearing more and more people I knew getting married, having babies… people looking their age. I was looking at old photos of myself today, photos that felt like I took them yesterday, but was probably like 6 years ago. And I thought, “Man, have I started looking old?” and then I got my haircut and realized I still look like a child. I win.

So to wrap up: No, nothing life changing happened. I just needed my hair cut. So it happened and so it be.

Why most people become music curmudgeons.

As I’m approaching thirty, that age we all thought is super old when we were children, I’m looking at things differently and trying to understand why we become “old”. Music is probably one of the major things that comes to mind when I think of this.

Last night, I was at a photography class and there is a mother and daughter in the class that have a lot of talent. The daughter began asking the teacher about how to shoot live performances, specifically local bands. Well, that was my old scene when I was her age and I was thinking to myself, “I probably look like an old dude to kids like her now.” I look in the mirror, looking for those things that signal “old” to a kid. Physically, I still look like a kid. I’ve always been mistaken for way younger than I am. Hell, I was carded at the movies when I was 27 by a pimply-face teenager.

One of the first things that made me start feeling old was losing interest in new music. I became my friend’s dad who would rock out with his old friends playing old Cream and CCR songs and thinking they were with it. When I was a teen, I was the rebellious kid who played punk and rock music and thought music was made the world go ’round. And thinking this morning, I remember I used to think, “the perfect girl would listen to all the same music I do.” It made me wonder now why that was so important. And it came simply to me: Identity.

Music is important to teenagers because its how they begin their own self discovery. For me, it gave me my identity. You could make certain generalizations about me because of the music I listened to. In a lot of ways, that’s how the cliques were formed in our school - by the music they liked. There were the kids who listened to country, the kids who listened to rap, and the ones who listened to everything were the ones that faded into the background a little. But it makes sense that most of us lose interest in new music as we get older because we’ve slowly defined ourselves and we tend to stick with the music that helped define us in that crucial identity creation time in our lives.

I know who I am (for the most part) and music isn’t my identity anymore. It hasn’t been and that’s why I’ve felt like an old music curmudgeon because I don’t care anymore. I like the stuff I grew up listening to, I’ll listen to new music if it strikes a chord, but I’m not like that girl in my photo class anymore that goes to the club every weekend to listen to local bands and genuinely cares about the music.

It is settled.

We’re now moved and settled back home. It took about 5 days to drive across the country, Fritzy was a good boy the entire way, and there were no flat tires or getting sick along the way. It was actually a very beautiful trip this time around. Last time, we drove in April. Kansas was the biggest boring state to ever drive through. But this time, I actually liked Kansas. One evening, there was a beautiful sunset against hills of giant windmills. The next morning, we had to stop at a local tire store (I thought I had a flat, but didn’t) and they were so genuinely polite and nice.  Instead of fields of wheat, there were fields of sunflowers and all sorts of other crops we didn’t see coming out.

Coming back, with the market the way it is, we were tempted to buy a home. Everyone here is selling and the prices are very affordable now versus before we left and everything was outrageously exaggerated. There were beautiful homes in the historic downtown that I would love. Our favorite was one that was recently restored and was just breathtaking but it was out of our budget… but it was the home I’ve always wanted. Original hardwood floors, high ceilings, lots of windows and light, and a very cute front porch. Maybe one day. For now, we’re apartment dwelling and its good for now. I think its easy to rush into situations and find yourself buried after a while because you were too green when you entered.

The things I really like about moving back…

• Convenience. There’s no more driving three hours to get to the movies, to go shopping, to re-enter civilization. Its been such a shock just being able to drive down the street and have a bookstore or video game store available… or even fast food other than a Burger King in the local jiffy.

• Selection. What they have at the grocery stores here are actually pretty different than back in the West. Oh, and we went to an IKEA and was so awesome.

• Family and Friends. I think I’ve done more outside of work in the last few weeks than I did the entire time I was living out West. I’m going to photography club once a week, I eat dinner out with family and friends, I take Fritzy over to run free in grandma’s backyard, and I don’t feel completely alone. And it’s interesting, but I actually don’t feel distant with the people I left back West. I talk to everyone frequently since I work with them still and nothing feels like it changed, if not just for the better.

• Winter. What’s winter again? There’s no feeling creeping up that a bad winter is on my tail. It’s awesome. I know that sounds petty to people who grew up with winters and snow and ice and whatnot, but to someone who never has, it became overwhelming. Six months of snow didn’t sound bad when I was moving out there, but in reality, it was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever lived through.

• Fast Internet Connection. It’s so awesome.

So that’s enough for now, I just wanted to update and let you know that I’m back to blogging and you’ll see posts more frequently. Bye!

A Long Shoot

No, not a long shot. Today, I shot for about four and a half hours straight with no breaks. I’m only amateur, I’ve never done too much pro work like this - only a handful of things. But this was like a marathon of photography. My main tools were a Canon 20D, which overall is a really nice camera although not having an auto ISO selector sucks. I shot most of it at 400 ISO, so I’m hoping the noise isn’t an issue on these older bodies. I know on my Pentax that noise wasn’t really a factor until I hit 800, but 400 and below always looked pretty similar.

At any rate, I shot probably about 1000 photos today of about 100-130 different pedestals (its for a big art show). They ranged from small rings and necklaces to huge headboards and doors. I am definitely a macro shooter. Akiko says that graphic designers tend to be macro shooters. For me, I enjoy being able to control the shot - its much easier to compose when the scale is smaller. So today, shooting these large pieces was difficult. I mainly shot with a 50mm f/2.5 but would change to just the kit lens every now and then for the huge pieces.

I have to say overall it was pretty fun. I’ve never shot like that before. I mean, I think on my Pentax for the past year, I’ve only put on it maybe 800 or 1000 shots total. I hope this coming year I will do a lot more since I won’t be out of commission for six or seven months because of snow and winter.

Tomorrow is the even bigger day. I’m shooting a fashion show. It’s a little easier since it will only be about 1-2 hours total, but I’m using the monster L 70-200mm f/2.8 IS. I’ve got my tripod ready, but I’m not sure if I need to handhold it. I don’t think my arms could manage holding that lens up that long, though. It’ll be really interesting to see how this turns out. I’m glad I’m not being paid just in case it doesn’t work out super well, but I’ll try my best - that’s all I can do.